My Greatest Fear

I am a weirdo…now that I’ve cleared that up, sometimes I sit around and wonder what people will say at my funeral. See, weird.

Will they like me enough to even come? What will I be remembered by? What legacy am I leaving? What stories will people tell about me?

My greatest fear is to live a life that was wasted.

I don’t want to simply live and be forgotten. I want to make impressions on people’s lives. I want to be kind. I want to be helpful. I want to be sweet and caring.

I want people to say I was a good wife and mother. A good daughter. A good sister. A good friend, even if for just a season.

And most importantly…I want people to know I didn’t live a perfect life, BUT I LOVED JESUS.

I wonder which stories about me my boys will choose to tell their kids? Will I be the crazy screaming monster mom or the calm compassionate caring mom…because I’ve been both!

Will they say I was adventurous? Bold? And a goal setter? Or will they say I was boring, lazy, and spent to much time on my phone…because I’ve done both!

Will they remember me reading my Bible and praying with them? Or will they say we never went to church…because we’ve done both!

I want to live well. God chooses to give us each new day. I don’t want to waste such a gift and live a life that’s just mediocre. I want to live one that is worthy of being remembered.

What I Want For Mother’s Day

First off, who invented Mother’s Day? Let us create a “holiday” where your kids are supposed to celebrate you…but your kids are two…so…just kidding!

Our poor husbands. Not only is it their responsibility to remember our birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, the day you started dating, the day you got engaged, the day your first tooth fell out, and when we randomly need a hug or the waterworks come tumbling down [AKA: that time of the month…it is always safe to send flowers during this time]…he ALSO has to remember Mother’s Day.

For 30 years [cause let’s face it, kids are still selfish in their 20’s] our husbands have to make sure we know what a good mom we’ve been all these years [cause the calendar says so]. Kudos to dads for bailing their toddlers out!!

But seriously. All I want for Mother’s Day is to have another day with my kiddos. Maybe a handwritten card with scribbles or a dandelion from the yard. Because I know that my kids won’t understand all I do for them as their mother until they have wives and children of their own.

So until then, I’ll let my husband tell me what a good mom I am. I’ll beam with pride at that handmade card from the heart and that flower that wilts within the hour. I’ll celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom…and maybe I’ll thank my dad for bailing me out all those years…

Take The Vacation

A few months after our wedding in 2003 my dad cosigned a loan for Deon and I to start building our credit [and a life together]. I believe it was around $600 and we thought we hit the jackpot!

We could do anything we wanted with our $600….and off to the beach we went! [The picture above was the first time Deon’s feet had ever touched the ocean water].

It was the first trip [of many] that Deon and I would travel together. My first vacation without my parents. Our first vacation as husband and wife [and Cameron as you can see in the picture below…I won’t even comment on my hair!].

I’ve never regretted spending that $600 to walk on the beach, even though I’m sure at the time there were a lot of other things we needed to use that money for.

I’ve never regretted the car ride where Preston screamed all the way to Myrtle Beach and back [although I’ve never forgot it either…mercy!].

Or the time the motel fire alarm went off and we spent hours standing in the parking lot wondering if it was safe to go in. Or how we squeeze our family into tiny hotel rooms and make them get along.

OR the time we went canoeing with all the kiddos and it came a monsoon [there was a lot of praying on that trip].

Because those are the things we laugh about today.

The joy of those two kids walking on the beach together in 2003 has turned into 15 years and a lot of roads traveled. A lot of memories made.

I hope my kids stand with their kids in some of the same places. Travel some of the same roads. I hope they are not so busy with life that they get stuck in one place.

Life will be right where you left it when you return. Time passes. Kids get older. Don’t forget to make memories. Take the vacation.

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